• WDKS Crew

The 10 best or worst athlete names in sports history.

Not all parents think things through when naming their kids. The world of sports has fortunately helped us see just how bad people can be at naming their children. Now nicknames can be funny, but we’re talking real names here. Here’s the top (or bottom) 10 names of athletes ever to have competed.


10. Fair Hooker-Football

I’m fairly certain he was a junior, so at least we know there have been two Fair Hookers in this crazy world.


9. God Shammgod-Basketball

Jesus Shuttlesworth hated his first name. The Shammgod’s said “hold my beer”. Did you know he works for the Mavericks now?


8. Danger Fourpence-Soccer

I cannot confirm or deny that this is his real first name. Either way, it sounds like something from a bad British spy film. I just like this one for some reason.


7. Dick Butkus-Football

Setting the standard of great named linebackers for years to come. When I hear it, I only hear Damon Wayans saying it from the In Living Color skit, Men on Film.


6. Misty Hyman-Swimming

At least her parents didn’t name her moist. At least she has an Olympic gold medal. I do not.


5. World B. Free-Basketball

Before there was Metta World Peace, this guy spent his career averaging 20 points a game in the NBA. He legally changed it, so I’ll allow it. Does he look like Lebron James to you?


4. Coco Crisp-Baseball

His real name is Covelli, so I almost didn’t count it. But his grandma apparently gave him the nickname, so I’ll allow it. Plus, it sounds like a delicious sugary American cereal.


3. Steve Sharts-Baseball

Look, I’m reaching for this one. You’ve probably never heard of him. He was a career minor leaguer. Why number 3? I literally laughed when my internal monologue said his name when reading while accompanied with his picture. Instead of getting “the yips”, pitchers might actually get “the sharts“.


2. Dick Pole-Baseball

Pole was 6’3” and weighed 210 pounds during his playing career. If you laughed at that last sentence, well......I did too. Also, Jack Black.


Honorable Mention

Milton Bradley-Baseball (great board games)

Bol Bol-Basketball (two first names or two last names?)

Tommy Gunn-Basketball (don’t google that)

Mark Lemongello-Baseball (has a great family story though)

Ben Gay-Football (definitely would go by Benjamin)

Earthwind Moreland-Football (Did you know there’s been over 30 members in E,W, & F)

I.M. Hipp-Football (If you have to say it yourself, you’re not)

Dick Paradise-Hockey (Parents are so unthoughtful)

Rusty Kuntz-Baseball (his real name is Russell)


1. Dick Trickle-NASCAR

Why not go by Richard, Rich, or Ricky? Because you don’t pick your destiny, it gets assigned to you. The best name in sports history.


Yes, I may be a degenerate for laughing at these. But you probably are too. I rest easy knowing I did not name my kids anything close to this embarrassing. Maybe the bad names are what helped them develop the tough mentality to succeed and overcome? Maybe Dick Trickle likes being called that instead of Richie.

Do you agree or disagree with the rankings? I dont care. This is my list. Make your own.

Chadthemark


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